This past year has been a hurricane, that is truly the only way I know how to describe it. There have been moments of utter chaos, frantically running around to gather my closest belongings and friendships, wrap them beneath my soaked raincoat and just running like hell to the nearest shelter. Yet there have also been moments of complete peace, a calm that sets in and provides tranquility and restoration where I thought all had been lost. And then the wind picks up again, and we’re back in the midst of the storm.
As I wrap up my 23rd year on earth, I’m finding myself spending more time in my journal, more time reflecting, and more time hoping for the future. It’s easy to get caught up in the crazy, busy lives we live, but I find so much peace when I sit and spill out the frantic world I live in onto the pages of my journal.
As I have been writing and sorting out my thoughts, I’ve dissected the big events that made the past 12 months the hurricane that it was. After being married for 8 months, and living in the most amazing city, San Francisco, Mike and I moved back to Arizona. We were heartbroken and felt like we had lost whatever game it was that we were playing. We came back to our roots, hopeful for a break and for some breathing room. I began counseling again and made the best efforts to calm my anxiety, depression, and find who I was again.
Mike was offered a job at Cornerstone, an incredible church in Chandler, Arizona. We immediately accepted and began prepping for their new campus, launching in Scottsdale. This would be Mike’s 3rd campus he helped begin. He first helped Cornerstone begin their San Tan Campus several years ago, then we helped start Canvas in SF, and now Scottsdale. It really is a strength for Mike and the place where God had him and then later, the both of us. Scottsdale launched in August 2014 and we are still apart of the community and ministry that’s happening there. This was such an exciting few months, and we knew we were exactly where God wanted us.
Soon after this, Mike’s health issues began to become more noticeable. He’s so strong and won’t let a little sickness get him down, so even though he had been experiencing some symptoms, we weren’t worried about it. We even began fundraising to go to India with Cornerstone on a missions trip. But in January of this year, his symptoms and pain began to get worse, so we began seeing doctors. A slew of tests were run and nothing came up, one doctor even dismissed it to IBS. Truthfully, it made me so angry and sad to see Mike bounced around from doctor to doctor, tests weren’t giving any definitive results and doctors didn’t want to work harder to find answers. I won’t be rehashing all of Mike’s health details, if you’d like to read the story, you can do so here. http://www.caringbridge.org/visit/mikegoodrick
Fast forward to today. Mike had a bone marrow biopsy last week on Tuesday, we should be hearing results from that soon. I’m just asking and praying for answers. I don’t know what we will do if the results come back, yet again, “normal.” My husband walks with a cane, has zero energy, and is on narcotics for the pain, and yet no doctor can figure him out. It’s heartbreaking, saddening, difficult on our marriage, and yet somehow, we are trusting that God is writing a bigger story and we are apart of it. I would be lying if I said it’s easy or that I trust God every day. It’s flippin’ hard. I’ve had panic attacks, breakdowns, and even moment when silent tears stream down my cheeks because it feels like no one understands.
But what is faith if it’s never tested? I’m learning how deep and wide my roots truly reach, I’m learning to go back to the basics of prayer and reading the Word. It isn’t about the fancy devotional I Instagram, or the way I talk about how much I trust Jesus, if isn’t real, if there’s no foundation, then there’s no point. Mike and I are learning what true community feels like, and honestly, who those friends are. They bring chicfila and play board games with us. They give us rides, and send over texts that say, “I’ll leave the cliche ‘it’s going to be ok’ behind, and I’ll just love you.”
But not every day is so dramatic and scary, there are good days amongst the bad. There are trips to ikea to look at furniture and dream about how we’ll decorate the house we’d love to buy someday. There are laughs in bed while we watch ‘Boy Meets World.’ There are joyful smiles as I watch Mike still lead worship, sitting on a stool, playing his guitar, doing what he loves. There are dates to the movies to watch Pitch Perfect 2 and watch Fat Amy split her pants, oh my word, the laughter that came from that sustained me for days.
Our “normal” lives are probably very different from other people’s “normal,” but we are literally taking it one day at a time. That’s all we can do.
The past year has taught me to cherish friendships. Yes, the friends I have in my small, close circle, are few, but they’re the most important thing to me. I wouldn’t be here, standing as a whole person, glued together, if it weren’t for the friends who came over to put me back together after falling apart. God is good like that. Even in the middle of this crazy situation,
he brings life and joy.
I know this blog usually has photos and photography stuff, but I’m making it a point to be real online, on all social avenues. Life isn’t a highlight real of facebook statuses, it’s the joy and pain we experience on a daily basis. Thanks for letting me share with you.
24, I’m ready for you. Whatever you hold, whatever you’ll bring, I’m as ready as I’ll ever be.
